MENTORING Today’s Women Lawyers Want To Be Mentored, But By Whom?

By Dena Palermo

Tort The HBA Gender Fairness Task Force sponsored a fall meeting with a group of women associates to find out what today’s women lawyers really want. To no one’s surprise, one of the questions the women lawyers asked was, “Where are all the mentors, and how do I get one?” The new twist is that young women attorneys today expect their mentors to be the women ahead of them. But given that women associates far outnumber women partners, and that these associates will spend most of their careers working with men, is this expectation realistic or even desirable?
After 20 years in the profession, I think it is important to learn to recognize all of the people who are available to serve as mentors, and not to limit oneself to those who look like you, share the same interests, practice in the same area or even at the same firm. Over the span of our careers, each of us will have more than one mentor, and we learn much from people with different experiences and styles.
Finding a mentor was already an issue when I was as an associate. By that time, clients no longer would pay to have a young lawyer follow around a more senior attorney while learning to practice by his side. So how was a young lawyer to learn the art of practicing law? Many firms adopted extensive training programs or sent their new lawyers to programs put on by outside institutions. But training programs do not replace the mentoring process. In this age of high tech practice, where the emphasis is on billable hours and profitability, do we still have an obligation to mentor? Of course we do. It is not only our responsibility, but it should be our pleasure and a source of satisfaction.
What is a mentor? The dictionary says it is a trusted counselor, guide, tutor or coach. Mentoring provides a relationship in which a more experienced person helps another to learn and navigate in the professional world. A mentor provides orientation, coaching, protection, visibility and promotion. A mentor may also provide counseling, friendship, reassurance and role modeling.
So where are these mentors? We are all around. I say “we” because we are all mentors, although sometimes unintended. The relationship often begins while working on a project together. Mentoring often progresses so naturally that the parties do not recognize that a mentoring relationship has developed. Most mentors are not formal mentors but are those with whom we work or socialize who have provided us guidance and feedback.
When I was a young lawyer, my firm decided to adopt a formal mentoring program. I was assigned to one of the senior partners in my group who, at the time, scared me to death. Our mentoring relationship consisted of his summoning me to his office periodically so that he could quiz me on the status of my development in time for him to write up some report to firm management. It might not have been what I considered an ideal mentoring relationship. Nonetheless, it proved valuable. During one of our sessions after my first year of practice, he gave me a pearl of wisdom that helped shape my career. The advice was that, if I wanted to succeed at the firm, I had to stop working for only the most junior partners in the section and work for some of the gray-haired, corner-office partners. Simple enough and quite obvious – but a revelation to me. I was totally unaware of firm politics at that point and it might have taken me years to figure that one out on my own. At the time, I was a 26-year-old New York native, the first in my family to graduate from college, let alone law school. I grew up in a working class neighborhood, where I was not exposed to the highbrow practice of law or firm politics. My mentor was and is a well-heeled lawyer from a family of lawyers. He is a successful lawyer who ultimately was elected to the management committee and now heads up the litigation group. There was much to learn from him. And eventually I did learn a thing or two. Over time, I even got over my fear of him. And I took his advice, and worked with many of the more senior partners at the firm.
This is just one example. My career is full of stories of other lawyers who helped guide my practice, usually not in the formal role of mentor. What is interesting is that many of the mentors I have had were men. Twenty years ago, there were only a handful of women ahead of me, even though my graduating class was about 40 percent women. Because there were not many women partners at that time, we women associates could not limit ourselves to women mentors, or we would have missed out on a lot of learning. The same holds true today: We cannot afford to wait to find a mentor who looks just like us. And we cannot afford to only look ahead for our mentors. We can learn from those who are on the same level as we are, and from more junior attorneys.
Mentoring is a lot easier than you think. All you have to do is give a little of your time to listen to those who are seeking your advice. It may involve an easy issue like how to find an answer to a legal question, or a request for an exemplar for a first draft of a motion. Other times it may involve a life issue. We all have special talents that we can share. Sometimes our best advice is a referral to another person who is better suited to answer the question. But the point is that we each have something to offer and we should not be afraid to offer it.
So how do you get a mentor? First, you must realize that you have to take responsibility for and control of your own career. It is unlikely that someone is going to invite you under her wing, or to ride his coattails. Each of us is responsible for our own development. So don’t limit yourself to one source or only one mentor or only to a formal mentoring relationship. You can learn from many people in many different ways. The most obvious way to get a mentor is to ask someone you admire to be your mentor. Take the initiative to set the meeting. Keep your mentor posted on what you are doing. Have a plan for your development and ask for help in accomplishing it.
Another avenue for getting a mentor is to ask your firm to adopt a formal mentoring program if it does not have one yet. In addition, the Houston Bar Association has a mentor program. You can request that a mentor be assigned to you, or that you be assigned as a mentor, on the HBA Web site, www.hba.org.
The HBA’s Gender Fairness Task Force hosted a seminar and reception on April 14, 2005 at South Texas College of Law. One of the topics was mentoring. A professional mentoring coach spoke about typical mentoring issues that arise for every lawyer, and some of the issues unique to women, including how to get interesting work, how to get credit for one’s accomplishments, how to develop client relationships and how to navigate the political landscape of firm life. The Task Force developed this program to address the needs of today’s women lawyers.
The benefits of your mentoring relationship may take some time to show. It is a great experience and a gift back to the profession that has given us so much.

Dena Palermo is counsel at Mayer Brown Rowe & Maw, where she practices civil trial and appellate litigation. She is a former director of the HBA and the Association of Women Attorneys and is a Life Fellow of the Houston Bar and Texas Bar Foundations. Palermo started the HBA’s mentoring program and is currently a member of the HBA Gender Fairness Task Force.

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